See ya 2023

It’s that time of year again. I write about my year that was so when I’m old and can’t remember shit, I have this to fall back on. Oh wait, I’m already there. It takes a little bit to write these “look back on the year” posts because I don’t remember half the shit I do. Then, I’m like, “Damn, this year was fucking long!” Anyway, here we go.

January. Does anything really happen in January? I had a repeat MRI done on my neck and found out that the disc at the C5-C6 level went from that’s not too bad to oh we should probably do something about that, in a year. And so it began.

February, I believe, was the month I ended up going to the ER because I had really bad chest pain while at work. When we took my blood pressure (at work) it was 170s/130s. Yeah, not a good thing. The kicker was the baby aspirin (used for heart attacks) worked really fast. When one of the doctor’s asked me how I was feeling otherwise, I said other than being freaked out about it, I was fine. He said it was probably nothing to worry about but in my head, I was thinking I live alone, I don’t want to die tonight and have my dog eat me because no one is there to feed her. Yeah, I know, overthinking just a tad. Needless to say, it was nothing but my body deciding it was going to send me into a panic.

March started, what would be, a not so good time. I decided to get a new car but I didn’t want the vehicle I ended up getting this month. I traded in the 2015 Jeep Grand Cherokee for a 2020(?) Kia Telluride. I did not want that vehicle. But, my key and drivers license was kept hostage until I signed papers. The salesperson never took “No” for an answer. It was a hellish experience that made me lose all sense of trust from a dealership when all I had ever had previously, was good experiences. All it takes is one bad experience to ruin it for everyone else. The night I bought the Kia, I hit depression pretty hard. I did not expect the trading of the Jeep to hit me so hard. Turns out, I was subconsciously keeping the Jeep because it was the last big thing my mom did for me before she died. Turns out, that was what sent me into a grief spell. I had said it when she died that it would hit me at some odd moment later on and I was right, it did. Anyway, I spent a week trying to figure out how to get rid of the damn thing to no avail. I was told by other dealerships they couldn’t help me until I had permanent plates on it. When I reached out to the Kia dealership a week later, they told me I should’ve reached out right away because they may have been able to help me then. Yeah, nice to know a week later because when I was signing my life away, I was told, multiple times, I cannot return the vehicle under any circumstances. So, I was told something different a week later when they claim it was too late to help me. Whatever. I was also told, by a customer service rep or someone in the office, that for someone “so unhappy with the vehicle” I “looked happy” after buying the Kia. This whole encounter from the office person sent me into a huge tailspin of “You do NOT have the right to tell me how I feel.” I went down the road of mental health with this stupid piece of shit of a human and explained to them that just because someone presents one was does not mean that is how they are feelind and it is not up to them to tell the person how they are feeling. So, with all that being said, yeah, I lost my shit on that stupid fuck.

In April, I found a dealership to help me get over the mis-trust I had due to the Kia dealerships lack of customer service. Autonation Jeep became my saviour. They bought the Kia from me with temp plates. I had a range of what I could get for the vehicle and they were fair with me. I was able to get a 2023 Jeep Grand Cherokee in the same trim level I had in my 2015 and it didn’t cost me my life or my sanity. I think it was the easiest sale the salesman ever had. It was a smooth transaction and I was more than happy with everything. The reason I was so intent of getting this done quick is because I was about to have surgery.

May 1 was the day of my C5-C6 disc replacement surgery. It went well. I spent the night in the hospital so my aunt from Nebraska came down to Denver to watch Rylie for me. I’m not going to lie. Being in the hospital wasn’t all that bad but they pumped me so full of fluids I had to pee every 5 minutes but I couldn’t just get up and go on my own, I had to call for a nurse/tech to come help me. They didn’t want me doing anything on my own. I would’ve just gotten up on my own but they put the bed alarm on so if I got out of bed, the damn thing would sound. They even made me use a walker to get myself to the bathroom. I was fine but they have their protocols and I was a fall risk, I get it. The end of May my sister and oldest nephew came out to help me move. Yes, I moved back to the Chicago burbs. I was wanting out of Colorado for a year and decided this was my chance to leave. I felt bad leaving my job because I love all the people I worked with but I needed to leave for me. Moving back was not my first choice and not what I wanted to do but it was what I needed to do. Driving back to Chicago with my sister driving my new Jeep, ugh! She gave me whiplash just driving around Denver. She thought it was funny. I reminded her that it’s not funny to give someone whiplash who just had neck surgery. It pissed me off, I was not laughing. I did learn something about oxycodone and myself: we don’t get along. I only took it a couple of times and the second time I took it, I was not laying down afterwards. That’s when it showed me how much we don’t get along. I was taking Rylie for a walk right after taking the oxy. I had been diagnosed with vertigo/ migraine with vertigo so I get dizzy without any help. The dizziness I got from the oxy mixed with really bad nausea and drowsiness was no joke. I don’t know why anyone would do this to themself on purpose but that was a ride I could not get off of fast enough. At least it would subside once I laid down but damn, that was the longest 2.5 blocks to get home ever!

I was finally able to start driving again in June. Thank GOD!!! Not that having a shaffeur was a bad thing, just wish my shaffeur was not family, that’s all. I went to a Cubs game with my sister and a friend of mine. We had a blast except the game was delayed a few hours and we were soaked from downpours while waiting. I started a job working for a big ambulance company in Illinois once I was released back to work the middle of the month. I did a 2 week orientation with them, 4 training days and 2 real work days with them before going back on work restrictions due to I was having the same issues I had before my surgery. I was on work restrictions until November.

July brought about finding a job that I could work while being on medical leave with the ambulance. I had to make money and I wasn’t getting any disability leave pay with the ambulance. So, I started working at an urgent care. I did not like the place but it was money coming in for a little while. I did a nerve study/EMG test to find out why I was back to having numbness and tingling in my arms and hands again. Turns out, I do have nerve damage in both arms. The way to fix it, not bend my arms. HAHAHAHAHAHA yeah, like that’s going to happen. The neurologist I saw after the test agreed that not bending my arms is pretty much not an option.

In August, I really don’t think anything happened in August. It was a pretty non-eventful month. Nothing to see here, move on.

What did September bring? Good question. I enrolled at Chamberlain University to get my BSN. Since lifting patients is a no-go, my body decided for me that I was not going to be going back to school to be a paramedic, I decided to go back to school to get my bachalor of science in nursing degree. I was able to enroll and started Oct 30. I told work I was going to have to cut my hours so I could go back to school. I told them I was starting the first of October instead of the end of the month. I’m glad I did because they told me they couldn’t work with the schedule and let me go. In my attempt to find another job, I found I needed to do online classes because I could not find a job that would work with me going to night classes. So, I switched to online classes. September through November my sister and I went up to Wisconsin to watch my oldest nephew play football at college. I was always looking forward to going to those games. This month also brought about the news that Rylie had a mass on her spleen and needed a splenectomy. This killed me. I was lost and not sure what to do as the place I had taken her to quoted me over $7500 to have the surgery done. I do not have $7500 just laying around. If I did, I would not have moved back in with my dad. This news also brought with it cancer. The chances of the mass being cancerous was pretty much 99%. This all hit me hard. I am an EMT, I save lives for a living yet the one life that matter most to me was the one I was not going to be able to save. Turns out, my persistence in finding someone else to do the surgery paid off. I found a place that would do the surgery for less than $3000.

In October, I found a job that was a little more flexible and switched to the online classes. This took a little weight off of me. I worked with the urgent care until the end of the month which is when they let me go. My sister and I did a trip around town to look at all the Halloween decorations. I have to say, some of these houses went all out. It’s was pretty awesome.

I started a new job with a mobile anesthesia company the middle of November. So far, it’s working out expcept the hours are a little all over the place. I’ve had some days of 9 hours some days of 4 hours. I just don’t have a consistent paycheck. I started nursing school this month as well. Rylie had her surgery and it went well. They removed the spleen but not the mass she has on her rear as that one is in an area that margins cannot be taken. But, the biopsies of both revealed two different forms of cancer. Rylie has been on palliative care since but she seems to be doing well. She is her same old self at 14.5 years old.

December brought the end of my first 8 week session with school. It went quick but I think I found a good flow with it. I did an “around town roadtrip” with my sister and a friend to check out all the Christmas decorations. We took our time and spent a good 4 hours driving around, but that also included about 45 minutes of a detour for food. Many many laughs during the drive.

2023 was a year of ups and downs. The downs were extreme downs but I found my way through the darktimes they brought. This year brought a lot of tears for me. But, it also has given me many many laughs and good times. I am grateful for all 2023 brought me and can’t wait for what 2024 has in store. Thank you 2023 for being a year of changes, doing what I need to do even though it’s not what I want to do, and for being a year I can put in the past and move forward from.