Run & Hide vs Stay & Strength

“You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them”. – Iyanla Vanzant
I know a lot of people who run and hide from life, from themselves. They run to a bottle, drugs, negative people because it takes away the problems or feelings for a minute. Makes them feel good for a second. They turn to substance or negative people to bury their problems. The problem with that, is the problems don’t go away, they just get bigger and keep adding  up. The more problems, the more drugs, drinking, relying on other negative people to make it go away. You can’t just brush something under the rug because you don’t want to deal with it. That’s a big sign of not only weakness but  you don’t know who you are.

When you don’t know who you are, you allow other people to influence you. Doesn’t matter if the people are positive or negative, they influence you because you don’t know who you are and you want to be like them. When you can’t stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself, you know there is a problem. Can you look at yourself with confidence that you know exactly who you are? Too many people can’t be in the silence of only themself. It scares them too much to be alone with their inner self. Instead, they drown it out with noise like Facebook,texting,TV, talking on the phone, the radio, going out where there are other people,drugs, alcohol, anything to not have to be alone in anyway and keep them busy so they don’t have to hear themself or be alone. I know so many of you like this. So lost on a negative and self destructive path yet won’t listen to the good positive people in your life who only want to see you succeed and be happy. People who don’t know who they are and spend a lot of time burying themselves in substances and negative people are usually hurting or very unhappy with their lives and/or themselves. It’s hard to see someone so weak and not want help.

I, myself, have been through a lot of hell and nightmares in my 36 years of life. The one thing I know I am, is strong. You want to know why? Because I know exactly who I am and don’t let anyone change me. Yes, there have been times that I have allowed someone negative into my life who changed me for the worse. I mean, like really really bad. But I realized it on my own and knew I needed to fix myself because I wasn’t me. I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. I had lost myself and needed to find myself again. I came out of that stronger than I was before. I continue to grow and as I grow, I get stronger. I take those negatives and transform them into positives.

I have been told many times, by many different people how jealous they are of me and my life. The experiences and life I have lived in a positive and uplifting way is what so many want but don’t know how to achieve. I live, I don’t just survive. I find something I want to do and I do it. I spent about 35 years allowing people to tell me what I need to do and who I was. I always knew but I allowed others to tell me. So, to be jealous of that is crazy. But, I know the parts of my life that creates jealousy are the good things I do with it. The experiences I create out of the negatives. There are always positives that come from negatives. You have to have the strength in yourself to rise up and create those positives though. I refuse to let negative things that happen hold me down. I will stand and fight life with everything I have. So far, I think I’m winning because I’m still here. I’m not going to be weak and let life take control over me. Hell no! I am going to take charge of my own life and let it know who is in charge, ME!

You have to rise above yourself and your life to live the life you want. I am secure with who I am. I know who I am. If you want to have amazing experiences in life, like me, then stop finding the negative people and behaviors that hold you down. Our society is so full of weak people that all they do is follow each other into madness. Look at where this country is headed. That tells you a lot. So many people who don’t know who they are or what they want being told who they are and what they want by another weak and negative person. No wonder why the world is crashing down. Until people start to build themselves up from the negative and into the positive, everything will crash and burn.

You have to be happy with yourself and comfortable being with your own thoughts in order to live a fulfilling, peaceful, positive life. Grab life by the fucking horns and tell it who you are and what you want. Don’t let life gorge you with those horns and push you around. I have been beaten down and broken so many times but I keep getting back up. I am strong enough, or maybe just too stupid to know any better, to continue to get up and fight back. I will never roll over into negativity and be ok with that. I am not ok with negativity. If you can’t find something amazing to do with the negativity that comes to you, then you are lost within your own life. Let your spirit in and guide you. Stop living life for the next 5 moments and live in the one you are in right now. After all, it is the only guarantee you have in life.

Face life head on. A bar and a bottle is hiding from life and self. Stand and face yourself, life. I am not weak because I cry. I face my life each day. I am strong because I face life every day. Most people don’t. They drown out themselves and life with other people, drugs, alcohol. They don’t face life, they run and hide from it. Too scared of themselves and life to try to take charge.

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