Lost In The Storm Of Dark Days

 

Just like a phoenix, I shall rise again, stronger than I have ever been.

I have been through the darkest of days when life is beating me with the very chains it has bound me with. I have wanted the torture of this life to be over. Yet, I couldn’t end it. I had to know what lied beyond the hardest of times. I wanted to know what was on the other side of the lesson, of the test of my inner strength. I pushed through with more than I though I had in me. Strength that had been buried deep within my very being, pushing me and guiding me through it all.  I knew something beautiful would be waiting, it’s just a matter of time.

Two years of struggles, dark days, and lonely nights but I’ve gotten through it. I found my way to the light of what was waiting. I still have moments of struggle, everyone does, but the beauty that lies ahead, that’s what keeps me going forward. My inner self not letting me stop. Pushing me further ahead. It’s the unknown that has kept me going. The curiosity that killed the cat is what has saved me.

If there is something I’ve learned from all the dark days and lonely nights it’s this: Sometimes you have to allow yourself to be broken so you can rebuild instead of trying to put the pieces back when they break a little at a time. Rebuild yourself from scratch instead of trying to fix little pieces that need to be replaced.

As darkness falls upon me, I look within myself to find a glimmering light of hope. Digging deep into my soul to pull out the strength buried deep. For it is the inner self which carries us all through our darkest times. At times, feeling weak and hopeless, yet, strangely, strong and peaceful at the same time. The resonating voice that tells us to keep going through the darkness, pushing us into what lies ahead. Into the madness of the unknown and the realities of what have been. It’s all too familiar, yet different. The darkness is the same as it always has been. It’s what lies within the darkness we do not see as familiar. As we approach the darkness in front of us, we ask ourselves if this is anything like what we’ve been through before. Can I handle the demons that await my entrance into the dark clouds of doubt and insecurity? As we cautiously approach, there is a flash of light, it’s our light of hope. We can get through this, one step at a time.

As we suffer through the pain, doubt, cynicism, negativity, and all other demons, we find that light without ourselves pulls us again, a little further into the depths of the darkness. The demons that lie within hit us with everything they have yet we keep going. Some people don’t take the first step into the darkness. They avoid it at all costs. Not us. We walk through it. Enduring every last bit of it. One excruciating step after another. Carrying along hope, positive thinking, and strength. For some, the darkness is too much to bare as they run as fast as they can through it. Others, take it step by step til the glimmer gets brighter. Making each step a little easier, our strength growing.

To make it out the other side is a feat. No matter, you get through it. You learn from it. Take the lessons the demons taught you and keep them close.Be someone else’s light of hope and guide them on their journey through the darkest clouds filled with their demons set out to bring them down. For you understand, not the struggles, but the journey. The longer the journey, the more you learn. Not about the struggles or the dark, but of yourself and what you are truly made of. Don’t pass up opportunities to go into the darkness. Stand, face it, and walk through it with your head held high.

Believe in yourself. Listen to your inner self. Learn from all experiences. Be a guiding light for others. You never know when you may need their light. Be strong. Find out what you’re made of, then persevere through everything. Go through the darkness and come out into the light a new and improved being.

Go on the journey of yourself. Enjoy every moment you get along the way. Don’t stop living, though, just because you haven’t found yourself or figured it all out. Live each day and enjoy it. Remember, not everything has an answer and some things aren’t meant to be figured out but it doesn’t hurt to try.

We all create patterns and habits in life. Some good but most of the time, they are not so good. We get stuck in those patterns and habits because it’s comfortable. Maybe those things are all we’ve known or what society makes us believe we need to do, etc. It becomes a cycle and if you’ve ever noticed in nature, when something starts a cycle, it’s always destructive.

We need to break the cycle within ourselves. Break free from the patterns and the habits of comfort. The cycle or circle we create causes destruction. Eventually, we become destructive to ourselves, our relationships, our lives, family and friends, jobs, etc. The destruction is blamed on some outward source, when in reality it’s our own creation within ourselves that has paved the way for the destruction to occur.

Let’s look for a moment at a hurricane and tornado. They both have the same things in common. They both start because of a “habit” or “pattern” that is created for them to start moving. They both start the “cycle” which would be the spinning in a circle, round and round. The cycle continues to build up until they reach their peaks and become destructive to everything in their way. The only thing that stops them from continuing in their destructive cycles are changes to their environment. A tornado stops when the weather is no longer conducive to what it needs to continue, it changes. A hurricane hits land which is not conducive to what it needs to continue, the environment changes. Neither can survive when the elements for it to continue, changes.

Just like hurricanes and tornadoes, people need to make the changes necessary to stop the cycle. It’s looking within yourself and seeing the real problems within yourself that are creating the destructive path. Recognizing what those patterns and/or habits are that are creating the cycle, is the step to ending it. A cycle cannot continue when changes are made that don’t allow its destructive behavior to continue. It has no choice but to cease to exist. Making changes within ourselves and our lives isn’t easy but it’s necessary to make the changes to keep peace in life and make it a much smoother ride.

Some people say they made a bad decision or they made a big mistake or regret something or doubt themselves. Those are negative terms/ideas that everyone has. After all, we are all human. How many times do we say “That was the biggest mistake of my life.”? It happens to everyone. Those are negative words or ideas or choices that plant themselves inside our brains and all of a sudden we doubt ourselves. “Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea after all.” Yeah, I’ve been there and will continue to have those thoughts and feelings, only I see them differently.

I don’t see the negative connotations associated with those words or phrases. Here’s what I see: I see learning experiences that I have been blessed to have happen. I don’t see things as mistakes, I see them as “I will do things differently next time and hope the result is better.” If it wasn’t for the mistakes, or should I say learning experiences, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. When I’ve been asked if I could go back and change anything in my life, I always say no. The reason? All of those things that could be mistakes, regrets, doubts, bad decisions got me to where I am today. Whether where I am today is where I want to be or not, it’s guiding me to where I’m supposed to be.

Life isn’t supposed to be perfect. Life is supposed to have its moments of good and bad. How can one enjoy and appreciate the moments of good if there weren’t moments of bad to counter? It would be really boring if everyone were happy and perfect and everything was good all the time. Bad decisions, doubt, mistakes, and regrets are what make life interesting. They can also make for some really good stories. Life is what you make of it. If all you see are negatives then that’s all you will ever find. It’s not easy to see the positives in the negatives but if/when you do, you will find harmony and peace in all your bad decisions, doubts, mistakes, and regrets. Find the good in all that is bad and life won’t see quite so difficult.

Life life to be free. Don’t hold back because you’re scared of failing. Just hold on tight, close your eyes, and enjoy the ride because when it’s all over you can say you did it with a smile on your face. That, and it was a lot of fun.

I may not always do things right. After all, I am far from perfect. I am human. There are times, moments, instances in life which made me think otherwise. One moment can change  your life forever. A split second decision can be the difference between a good outcome and a bad.

Sometimes life gets in the way of living. What I mean is this: No matter what you say, do or think, life will always continue. Living are the things you say, do, and think. Your wants and needs aren’t always on the same playing field and you get some curve balls along the way. I’ve had a lot of curve ball thrown my way in, at this moment, 35 years on this Earth. A lot of bad ones but nevertheless, I’ve managed to at least get a base hit and keep the game of life going. Some good ones where I hit it out of the park too. I guess it’s really how you look at things that come your way on whether or not you will strike out or get on base. Just like baseball, you can’t move forward if you don’t try.

You can’t get to where you are supposed to be by running down the beaten path.You have to create your own path to where you are meant to be. Taking control of your own life and not allowing others to control it for you is sometimes difficult but it’s the only way to live life your way. To live your truth. Take away the negativity and all that is allowed to remain is joy and happiness. Something I have found in my own life.

If you can find gentleness in the storm and calmness in the chaos, then you have found peace within yourself. It is the struggles which make you strong, they do not make you weak no matter how weak you may feel in that moment. It is only there, in the darkness of the silence can you find true peace within yourself. Trust the storm. Believe in yourself. There is always something beautiful on the other side. You cannot have a rainbow without the rain.

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